By Roddy Shuttlecock, staff writer for West Franklin High Tribune
Maxwell Dooley (Senior), a self-proclaimed victim
of “Senior-itis,” has suffered over the last month from symptoms such as
restlessness, lack of motivation, the desire to have fun, and a relapse
of his past ailment, the “Monday Blues.”
After complaining about this affliction to his
friend and classmate, Randy McSpackle (Senior), Dooley “felt bad” to
learn that McSpackle had the symptoms of drooping eyelids, inability to
swallow, and paralysis of the respiratory muscles, all due to botulism.
“I thought my ‘Senior-itis” was pretty bad,” said
Dooley, “I mean, sometimes I don’t even take my backpack out of my car
when I get home from school!” Dooley added, “I guess Randy’s got it
pretty bad too, with not being able to respirate [sic] and all.”
With the arrival of Final Exams, Dooley’s
‘Senior-itis’ has begun to clear up. McSpackle, however, will probably
die.