Recently, Speaker of the House, Illinois
Representative Dennis Hastert, said that al Qaeda would like to
influence the election in November and that they support John Kerry for
President. These comments surprised many, as al Qaeda traditionally
does not become involved in electoral politics and certainly has no
record of endorsing candidates.
Despite Hastert’s assertion, Afghanistan and bases
of terrorism and Islamic fundamentalism throughout the Middle East are
still considered “swing states” by many. Ayman al-Zawahiri of the
Egyptian Islamic Jihad is voting for Kerry because, “I like a lot of his
positions, such as his stance against outsourcing and his advocacy of
partnership rights and civil unions. Someone needs to tell Mr. Bush
that he does not control what is legitimate love. If two people fall in
love, whether it be man and man or woman and woman, well, mazel tov to
them.”
Mr. al-Zawahiri has taken part in a small pro-Kerry
grass roots campaign, “mostly flyering and canvassing, you know,” he
added.
The pro-Bush camp, though, is picking up steam.
Leaders in the al Qaeda Bush campaign have organized bake sales and
festive bluegrass concerts to help raise money for the RNC. Ranking
member of al Qaeda, Abu al-Zubaydah, has used his Political Action
Committee, Terrorists for Bush, to run several campaign ads throughout
Afghanistan. Here is one of those ads:
[Arabic voice with dubbed English translation]
“It’s morning in Kabul. Feel that in the air?
That’s unity, that’s cooperation, that’s the brotherhood given to us by
President George W. Bush. When has the Arab world been so united in a
common cause? President Bush has created many new jobs as our
recruitment has skyrocketed. President Bush has overextended his
military, allowing us to operate freely. He even showed profound mercy
by allowing our leader, Osama bin Laden, to get away with his
devastating attack against America. President Bush understands the
issues that concern your everyday al Qaeda member, such as sovereignty.
Let’s hear what President Bush has to say on the issue of tribal
sovereignty: [audio clip of Bush press conference] ‘Tribal sovereignty
means that – it’s sovereign. You’re a – you’ve been given sovereignty
and you’re viewed as a sovereign entity [laughter from reporters]. And,
therefore, the relationship between the federal government and tribes is
one between sovereign entities.’
The world used to laugh at our fundamentalist
beliefs and our cave dwellings, but, thanks to Mr. Bush, our people are
no longer the most laughed at. What can I say about this man who has
truly united us all? I’ll let President Bush have the last word.
[audio Bush clip] ‘Our enemies are innovative and resourceful – and so
are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and
our people – and neither do we.’
We couldn’t agree more.
I’m Abu Zubaydah and I approved this message”
The latest polls indicate that among the Islamic
Army of Aden, Jaish e Muhammad, the Libyan Islamic Fighting Group, the
Abu Sayyaf Group, and the Hezbollah, support for Bush has skyrocketed.
After hearing Hastert’s comments, an amused Osama
bin Laden said, “It sounds like Mr. Hastert and the American government
haven’t been looking very hard at the polls – or looking very hard for
me for that matter.” After chuckling to himself, bin Laden added, “Four
more years.”
LISTEN TO THE AUDIO