Jordan's Bio

Jordan Engel Schulkin found the ensuing verbiage in the glove compartment of the 2PAC bandwagon he had hopped on circa 1997. He believes it is an accurate portrayal of a man, i.e. him, and all that he has come to stand for on this big hunk of rock we call Planet Earth.

Note: The man in question, who has been known to wax mortified on the unbearable whiteness of being, is too modest to refer to the following as "bust a cashew in yo eye-esque" wangsta rap but would prefer instead the title of "pussy-ass" slam poetry.

My Street Name is Flash (But Only Uptown)

Flash,
Not in da pan,
Cuz he always been held down by the man.
Wholesome
And
Nutritious,
Skillz so nice I border on fictitious.

Sexist,
Skullfuck ya Ma dyslexic,
Try to play it coy,
But
Jewess is prone on the floor chanting;vey oy;
Salty
Like soy.
Pleez taste my flava,
Lips spit wetter than certain moist labia.
Flashdance put ya in a flashtrance while I flashprance into receptive pants.

Flizz ain't no passin fad,
Dude and I'm like totally rad,
Egad,
Wid da steez contagious,
Got da beauteous language to fill God's two-way pagers.