WeSpeaks are The Argus’s version of op-eds.  They are opinion pieces of varying lengths written mostly by students, but also occasionally by Professors and alumni.  I decided to abuse this forum of expression with my own self-indulgent inanity.  I got some great responses from people who enjoyed my work, and even greater responses from people who were upset, angry, and/or confused.  Once I got a column second semester, I stopped writing WeSpeaks, but these three pieces were my starting point at Wes.  Because they are written in response to certain things, I’ve provided background information for each piece.  Hope you like ‘em. 

Peace in the Middle East - A Nice Thought AND it Rhymes!

Ran in the February 10^th, 2004 edition of The Argus.  I wrote this WeSpeak in response to a Middle Eastern Activism Workshop that was being held at Wesleyan.  This workshop generated much controversy and garnered accusations of anti-Semitism and of promoting violence.  I went to see the keynote speaker and, unless boring the shit out of people is considered a terrorist act, I found nothing objectionable about the whole thing.  Many WeSpeaks were written by students, Professors, and the Rabbi at Wesleyan, so I felt it was only right that I weighed in on the issue.  Towards the end of the WeSpeak, I make reference to and take a quote from a school-wide e-mail sent out by Wesleyan President Doug Bennet.  Enjoy.

Veggie Options Not Enough

Ran in the February 3^rd, 2004 edition of The Argus.  While I like this WeSpeak, it was completely uncalled for and unjustified.  Some guy wrote a WeSpeak the week before politely suggesting more vegetarian options at one of the cafeterias.  That was my cue to be an asshole and write this in response.  There are two topical references that I am going to point out because, at this point, they are weird and confusing:  at that time, there were several deaths from mountain lions in California and this was written shortly after Roy’s white tiger attacked him.  I’d also like to give credit to Alex L. for educating me on the anal glands of poodles, which inspired my little story about Wilbur.    

Our 50th State Dying from Consumption

Ran in the November 14^th, 2003 edition of The Argus.  The background for this WeSpeak involves a Hawaiian themed party and a group of angry students who confronted people at the party about marginalizing Hawaiian culture with the theme.  Welcome to Wesleyan.  This became a pretty big deal, with many different voices weighing in.  This is the first WeSpeak I wrote and probably the one that pissed the most people off.  In the last paragraph, I veer a little from the Hawaii debate and address a column that ran the week before on the consumption of culture.  In that piece, it sounds like the writer is calling study-abroad programs and multiculturalism “imperialism.”  It also sounds like she’s fuckin’ nuts.  She describes herself with words like “blackness,” “womanness,” and “working-classness.”  I’d like to add “bitchness” to the list. 

The following Wespeaks were written after I started writing my column, so their content is usually more straight-forward and less satirical

Ward Churchill Controversy

Ran in February 15, 2005, edition of The Argus

Identity Politics

Ran in November 19th, 2004, edition of The Argus.  This is probably the funniest thing written by me or anyone else ever.  This Wespeak is in response to a small line in a prior Wespeak written by a very smart student.  He responded to this Wespeak with excellent analysis and a few well-placed jabs at my facial hair.

Bernardsville News

Diversity Miseducation

Let’s make one thing clear:  this piece was not printed in the Bernardsville News.  I submitted it, but I never got a response, despite my repeated attempts at communication via e-mail, phone, and fax.  I wanted to try and get something printed in the local paper, so I flipped through looking for something to write about.  Inspiration struck when I saw an article about a middle school “diversity contest.”  This article was in a section that featured dozens of pictures, none of which contained anyone who was not white.  I found that interesting and wrote this piece in response.  You would think the Bernardsville News, despite being such a massive and significant publication, would have found the time to at least respond to my questions about whether or not my piece was being run.  Maybe you can find out whatever happened to “Diversity Miseducation.”  Give Editor Charles T. Zavalick a call at 908-766-3900 and/or e-mail him at Editor@Bernardsvillenews.com.  Please find out why Charles Z. just ignored my many attempts to contact him!  Please find out why Charles Z. hates creative expression!  Thanks.